Bri K

I always wanted to go out this way! I had said that I’d drive my car into the ground…drive until I was broken down on the side of the road somewhere. I had just always hoped I’d be close to home. Well my friends, the day has come. Twelve years of memories come to a close today, but unfortunately this close came 65 miles or so outside of Portland on the way home from Seattle.

I had left my brother’s house early this morning after getting some one-on- one time with both my niece and nephew last night, and I was strongly feeling this question: “I don’t know if I can do it…” Meaning, I don’t know if I can move and leave my family and everyone I love for a job and a place without any relationships. But…

But thanks to AAA (and my mom’s precautions to buy the plus membership for me) and my friendly driver Cam, I had my poor little nameless car carried back to my church today. As I did, I get the uncanny sense that the Lord might just be prodding (or pushing me) into a new journey.

It seems many friends had the same hunch as well. I got to church as it ended and one of my friends said that it seemed the Lord was doing one more thing to release me to move and that next came the condo. So as I laugh-cried I smiled and said something to the effect of, “So next thing that’s going to happen to me is that the bank will come and seize my home!!!” She had something in mind more like a buyer coming forward. Oops!! =)

I had been home to help my mom move grandma into a memory care living facility. For five years since grandpa died mom has been praying and trying to figure out what was best for her. It’s been extremely trying, and she’s labored for hours and poured out her heart taking care of her. But last week the Lord gave my mom freedom and peace that it was time. So I went to help pack and move in and be there for mom as we transitioned grandma into her new home.

There were some challenges, like grandma unwilling to get out of bed that morning. We sat in bed with her and I read some scripture, held her hand and looked at pictures with her. I sat there with her looking at her as I never really had looked at her. She was worse than I had ever seen her and I was honestly wondering if the day had come. She hasn’t remembered me for a really long time. But you wouldn’t know that. My grandma was the woman who strikes up conversation in the grocery line and the person could be over at her house later that night for dinner. She’s the grandma that at age 72 was out body boarding in Hawaii as my friend and I laid lazily on the beach. She’s always been so full of life and of love. Married from age 17 to 79, when grandpa died I think a piece of her died too. Still she is a woman of such unrelenting joy! Needless to say, though I know she doesn’t know my name or really even know who I am, she hugs me and kisses me as if were her best friend. She’s an amazing woman. So I sat there wondering and watching her breathe…remembering and soaking in the time to just sit together.

Eventually she got up and the rest of the morning went well. But as we walked away leaving her there my heart was considering the seasons of life–considering ends and beginnings. And then today came the end with my little car, and again I’m remembering. It’s actually kinda funny to me…timing that is. I’m wondering if getting struck by lightening is next???!!! I mean seriously, what else is gonna happen, right?!!! (He, he). Grandma’s life in her own home ended Friday, my unemployment benefits end today, my car ends today with a failed engine…but something is beginning and I still have confidence that when things fall apart, something is being put together. And as much as much as my heart is just plain tired, I’m also excited!

So RIP to my little ‘93 Corolla that has carried me from Bellingham, WA to San Diego, CA (which is to say, the length of the west coast), multiple times over. So many memories!! Like: crying so hard as I drove to Seattle once that when I got pulled over for speeding the police officer though I’d been drinking…it only got worse from there. Like: Sitting for hours trying to say “goodbye” to friends but conversation kept going. Like: packing 4 high school students and two weeks of their luggage into her after coaching Credo (a theological, experiential learning, community living youth initiative) to take them to the train station to return home. I wish I had pictures–literally we put the students in and jammed bags up to the ceiling on top of everyone. So funny…don’t tell the parents! Like: a trip to Costco with my friend Michelle to buy all the goods for the New Student Welcome Dinner at Multnomah. Seriously, how does a loaded warehouse flatbed and cart full of food fit into a little Corolla? We still don’t know, but the car was like literally 3 inches off the ground! Like: so so so many road trips filled with so much laughter, good music and snacks that are less than nutritious! Like: the last time she was towed as I moved from LA to Portland over nine years ago! So as cheesy as it is, that car holds many memories from age 19 to 31 and I as I’ve thanked the Lord so many times for how great that car has been, I thank Him now that the time has come to an end, trusting it is just the right time!

So I think that a new thing is beginning…a new season…new memories…new places…new travels…new adventures…new relationships…new heart…new outlook…new faith…new. If anything was a fitting commission for me to the next season, the death of my little ‘93 was it!

A couple of weeks ago I found a quote I wrote down about a year ago when I successfully read through my first Steinbeck novel, East of Eden. It comes to mind now as a fitting paraphrase of the story that I deeply sense the Lord is weaving very intricately through the ends of even seemingly silly things like my car:

“One thing late or early can disrupt everything around it, and the disturbance runs outward in bands like the waves from a dropped stone in a quiet pool.”

I don’t know whether or not I’ll be moving in two months, but what I do know is that the Lord’s timing in adding and removing all things to and from my life is not accident, for each is intimately acquainted with the other.